Usually, we hear people saying, “I miss him/her/them or I miss doing this/that”. Is missing someone or something dependent on what you want? I believe that answer is Yes. A feeling of emptiness or the lack of belonging or having someone/something is dependent on the choices that you make. If you had to make a choice or you had a say in the choice and that is the reason you end up not having someone in your life, then you feel less miserable about it or your mind helps you adapt to it faster because you know that you had another choice and you chose one over another and set your mind to adapt to it. But when you don’t have any choice but to leave the person, place or your work, then you end up feeling a lack of it in your life immediately and you don’t let your mind and heart adapt to it easily. But in both cases, gradually, everyone moves forward!
Making a choice yourself versus having no choice makes a mountain of difference between surviving without something that is a part of your life but we still do. Is it because we stop believing that we are not attached to that? No. It is because you tell yourself that I made my choice and right now, even if I miss it, I will learn to move forward. A friend of mine once mentioned, about having someone dear to him most of the time in his life, and when one person went away, after some time, someone else came in to his life and they became dear. Now, is it because the previous person was not so important for him, that they could be replaced? Having known this person very well, I say No! But once a person knows that they are not coming back into their life, they learn to move on. And if at some point of time, they feel lonely, they learn to adapt to that too…learn that to live their life, they have to make choices that will help them move forward. Again, choices help them decide whether they are able to move on with their life faster or does it take a long time. Life goes on and people learn to live, adapt and learn more about themselves and find different paths.
When people move from one place to another, we mostly are first to tell them/think what they might miss and telling them how it might be so different. But what if we were making that decision to move because of our own reason or excuses, will we feel the same way?? Will we look at the positive side of it?? Will we convince ourselves that the greater good lies in the choice you are making? Ask yourself these questions, when you are faced with people or things changing in your lives. Think if the change was brought by you or by someone else, think of how fast or slow you are to adapt to that change and then check if the result was dependent on your contribution to the change. As human beings, we talk ourselves into believing what we want to. It is always OUR choice!! As the first part of the saying from Julius Caesar rightly says –
“”What we wish, we readily believe, and what we ourselves think, we imagine others think also.”
So yesterday, my son is having a conversation with me on how he wants to be back in US and he really is not liking it here. I am trying to make him see the positive side and making him ease into our present lives. But he was so adamant on going back. And it was clear he was hoping against hope that we would go back. I started getting scared whether he will get too disappointed if it does not happen. So my response – “Neil, it may not happen. So it is better not to hope and expect it to happen, that way you will not get hurt if it does not work out.” His eyes filled with tears. That moment I realized this – Did I just teach my kid not to wish for anything? Did I teach him to give up on something he wants? Did I let my disappointments cloud my judgement?
I have always told my kids that nothing is impossible and they should never give up on any of their dreams and wishes. I have taught that perseverance is the key to success. I have believed never to give up on anything that you want and I have proved it in my past. But yesterday, I told him just the opposite of what I believe in and have taught him so far. Did my circumstances make me a non-believer in everything I have stood for? Do we get so frustrated with our lives that we are not able to think properly for that moment and tell what is right? Wasn’t it going from a positive approach to a negative approach?
I sometimes, wonder, if we are with a group of people, is it necessary that we feel a part of it, do we relate to the individuals in that group? Some people seem to know each other, some know each other a little bit but do they all feel like they are a part of the group or is it their NEED to feel a part of that group. Or like me, does someone else feel, they are alone in a crowd?
After I had to go through my personal health issues for three years, somehow I feel I can relate only to people who really know me inside and out, or were there during the time, and still kept talking to me and kept me going. When I am with a group of people who haven’t known anything or much about me, I feel they don’t know me, they just know me as a name and a person in flesh and bones but nothing else. They don’t know the inner me. So what do I talk to them?? How is the weather? What are the kids doing? How is your life? And then I get tongue-tied as to what else do I say to them. And since I am the kind of person who can smile always but not fake anything; people don’t like my crude honesty. So I am confused, should I be myself or should I pretend to be someone I am not to please people.? After so many years, I have decided I want to be myself, why fake anything and put stress on myself. The only people who can actually tolerate the REAL me are the ones that know my every emotion! Thanks guys, for doing that! And for those whom I meet for a few hours in a year or 2 years, this is me..I don’t aspire to be an actor, so I am not going act as if I am someone else in front of you and I don’t expect you to.