Positive to Negative?

So yesterday, my son is having a conversation with me on how he wants to be back in US and he really is not liking it here. I am trying to make him see the positive side and making him ease into our present lives. But he was so adamant on going back. And it was clear he was hoping against hope that we would go back. I started getting scared whether he will get too disappointed if it does not happen. So my response – “Neil, it may not happen. So it is better not to hope and expect it to happen, that way you will not get hurt if it does not work out.” His eyes filled with tears. That moment I realized this – Did I just teach my kid not to wish for anything? Did I teach him to give up on something he wants? Did I let my disappointments cloud my judgement?

I have always told my kids that nothing is impossible and they should never give up on any of their dreams and wishes. I have taught that perseverance is the key to success. I have believed never to give up on anything that you want and I have proved it in my past. But yesterday, I told him just the opposite of what I believe in and have taught him so far. Did my circumstances make me a non-believer in everything I have stood for? Do we get so frustrated with our lives that we are not able to think properly for that moment and tell what is right? Wasn’t it going from a positive approach to a negative approach?

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3 thoughts on “Positive to Negative?

  1. I understand, Rohini. I understand Kannan’s point of view too. Having experienced the same through me and my baby, I understand his tearing up completely. I think you should not ask him to give up hope. I know, you fear if it didn’t work out he might be disappointed. But that ray of hope will guide him forward; at least it will give him time to adjust to the current situation. I know that because that ray of hope is what helping me move forward. And my Kannan too. Dileep is against this though. But I believe even if it is false hope, if it gives us happiness and a little clarity, it doesn’t matter. Isn’t it better than forcing us to accept the tragedy of a situation and getting fried in that effort?
    Rohini, if after 6 months you still are not comfortable with the situation, you should consider going back. If you lose control over life, it will be even difficult. I know that because I am experiencing that every second. So make a decision on what needs to be done and stick to it. We don’t know how long we will live. We don’t want to live the little time we are allowed by trying to adjust and making our loved ones adjust to a situation which none of us want to be in, right. In my case, the universe has to conspire. It’s not in my hand. Still I am not losing hope. Call me a fool! But the prickles my heart is subjected with only I know, and if I am lucky God will know too!

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  2. At least at this moment kids are too young to know what is right and wrong for them. I am not telling it in the context that you have mentioned above. But there is nothing wrong in wishing, dreaming, hoping. Encourage them to do that, irrespective of the outcome. There might be disappointments on the way, but i.e how you learn. To be honest, I have learnt nothing from the happier days of my life. The person I am today is because of the challenges faced. Let them face the hardships. Yes it’s hard as a parent, but it is molding their character. So be it

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