The other day I was having a conversation with my brother and he asked me a question – If you are so passionate about it, would you ever let it go? And that question got me. It was a simple question but with a tough answer.
Teaching has always been my passion. I left a job that would pay me 5 times as much so that I could become who I am supposed to be and to say that This is ME! I followed my dreams and since it has been my passion, I really put my heart and soul into it. While working hard and putting in too many hours, I realized those were the happiest moments of my life. Even with health problems, one place I wanted to be was my classroom and my kids there. Everyday, I told myself that I am in this profession for a reason – to make a difference in a child’s life. I wasn’t teaching kids just to be academically strong and work on their “A”s but wanted them to be individuals with strong focus on their goals, confident and with a never give-up attitude. I heard somewhere “No deed is unselfish”. I agree because everything gives you back something. The happiness from my students and when my speech- impaired kid had the confidence to go up on the stage and say a speech looking straight into the eyes of the audience, was my Nobel Prize!
Today, with life’s changes, I am not where I was three months back. Though continuing with teaching, it is not the same since I am not making much of a difference. The system is different here and everyone has time only for academic success. I feel I am losing hold of what I held dearly and what I was doing..and hence was the question from my brother. And that question instantly got me back to track. NO! I never want to let go of my passion because it makes me who I am. Eventually, I will lose myself and others will move away from me too!
I would rather die knowing that I stood for what I truly am than living years of my life thinking what I could be! Thanks , Hari 😉 !
We have all had this conversation – Life is too short. We don’t know when we will die. As we hear of people who have suddenly lost their lives, people who died young, people who died of illness, people who just went away; we are forced to retreat our thoughts to “Life is too short” philosophy.
Some days, when I used to come back from a tiring day of teaching, I used to think – If I die today, I will die a happy person! And believe it or not, it used to bring a smile on my face. And I wonder how many of us are able to smile that way and say the same thing. My life has changed and I am not sure today I would say that. They say that life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Don’t know if it is true or not..but if it flashes by, will you be smiling or will you regret that you were not happy at the moment you took your last breath?
Some time back , I had an interesting realization about myself – I cannot talk. I know it sounds odd but that is the truth when it comes to making conversations. Have you ever felt that you cannot make a conversation with people? That after like first few Hi, how are you?’s , there is not much to continue with. As I get older, I realize I am having trouble having conversation with people that do not know me well or understand me. I have a couple of friends and my brother to whom I can talk about different topics, have debates, have intense conversations but when it comes to others, I am tongue tied! As a teacher, I can have lots of deep and meaningful conversations with my students. I am able to converse with my kids better than adults. Now, is it a teacher syndrome, I have no clue!
I have people who call me and I respect their willingness to talk but if I say something, they don’t understand me or get me. Their immediate reaction is to give a general advice that they give everyone. And I want to say, well, that is not what I meant; thanks for talking to me but I think I am done. And then they still want to linger on and maybe ask the same question again.
I don’t know if I am getting picky but now, I want to only talk to people to whom I can relate to as well people who can relate to me. Even if they don’t agree with me, I would rather listen to their argument and their counter attack than anyone’s general advice!
Has it happened to you yet?? 😉