How come?

I always talk about emotions. And sometimes, I feel each emotion takes up a lot of my life! I look at people around me and looks like they have a check on their emotions, a control over what will or will not consume them. How do they do it when I can’t??

My friend once told me your face immediately reflects what you are feeling. And I feel it is because anything that may be happy, sad, angry takes over me. It engulfs me so much that I can only think about that emotion for a long time..particularly if it is something that has hurt me. I can’t let go of it. I have to fight it so much that it takes a lot of my energy.

And then I see people who have so much control over it. It is like they have figured out life and how to live it without getting affected much. They have a tight hold of what they feel and will never do anything that will make them feel vulnerable.

So my question is how are they like that and I am like this?? What made them and what made me??

In search of….

Feeling alone in midst of a crowd,

I laugh with everyone but my heart is somewhere else,

I speak but the words don’t belong to me,

I smile but the smile is meant for someone else,

Would I feel the same way if you were around?

You would make me feel that I meant something, not just anyone,

You could bring a genuine smile on my face,

You are the one who understands me,

You are the one I am looking for.

But where are you?

Have I not found you yet?

Or have I lost you?

Or am I still waiting for you…???

 

 

 

“Great Expectations”

I read this book by Charles Dickens when I was very young. Not that what I am about to write has anything to do with the book, it just seemed an apt title.

Do your expectations make you feel happy or disappointed? I know it can sway both ways. If we expect another person to behave or react in a certain way and they don’t, it is natural for us to feel disappointed. We think this is what I would have done in this situation and I expect the other person also to do the same – > propagating in us feeling upset, melancholy, and kind of detest the other person for not doing that. The next time too , the other person did not do as we thought, again disappointment engulfs us.

Should we stop expecting from others? I have tried doing that. I try to think only the positive things and tell myself, if this does not happen and there have been so many other positive things then I should still be happy. But it is very difficult not to have expectations and after trying a few times, I go back to same old expecting…..feeling happy, feeling disappointed…

How about you?