I saw this tree in a park the other day..standing alone! The tree standing there strong made me think. What would this lonely tree think?? Would it think that I am glad to be alone – no one to take the water that I need, no one to take the nutrients I need from the soil. I don’t have to waste my energy on fighting for my daily survival. So what if I don’t have anyone to talk to but at least I am free to do what I want to without being judged or have too many parameters that would define what and how I should do things. OR would it think I don’t have anyone; I have to stay here alone and no one to challenge me to do better.
Think about it – kind of how we would view our lives at different points of time. We love having people around and having them to love, to hate, to compete. But sometimes, we wish we could do things on our own in our own way and not let others define how we should act or live. We just wish we could just follow our instincts, be able to show our emotions as they are and not be shunned down for it. That lonely tree can show its emotions and follow its instincts since there is no one to tell it to behave in a certain way, on the other hand, it does not have anyone around who would be there to see when it is happy or when it is sad. Maybe as humans, we want to share our lives but how much of sharing of our lives causes unhappiness???
Should the lonely tree be happy about being alone or sad that it does not have anyone near?
I was watching this song – a love song sung by a beautiful voice and beautiful melodious music. It wasn’t just that caught my attention. The actress in the song had the most wonderful smile. It wasn’t just a smile, the smile showed how much in love she was. Her whole face reflected that. You know how people tell others – You are glowing..you must be in love”. That kind of glowing face and smile. And I wondered does that kind of glow last. Does everyone still feel the same kind of glow and love after years of being together? I know there is a difference between initially being in love and getting used to each other. Do we all forget to have that glow and smile as we go through our lives busy with our routines. Do we pause our lives and think of the initial smile and bring it back to us from time to time?
Do we rewind and our eyes twinkle and radiate all the love that we felt when we first fell in love? Life may not be rainbows all the time but can we bring back our rainbows from time to time?
I always talk about emotions. And sometimes, I feel each emotion takes up a lot of my life! I look at people around me and looks like they have a check on their emotions, a control over what will or will not consume them. How do they do it when I can’t??
My friend once told me your face immediately reflects what you are feeling. And I feel it is because anything that may be happy, sad, angry takes over me. It engulfs me so much that I can only think about that emotion for a long time..particularly if it is something that has hurt me. I can’t let go of it. I have to fight it so much that it takes a lot of my energy.
And then I see people who have so much control over it. It is like they have figured out life and how to live it without getting affected much. They have a tight hold of what they feel and will never do anything that will make them feel vulnerable.
So my question is how are they like that and I am like this?? What made them and what made me??
Yesterday, I talked to a friend after a very long time. It brought back some old memories. I thought of the time, (it surely feels like this) that I did not have any worries or never bogged myself down with “what ifs”. I did what I wanted to do, I knew what I wanted to do. My days were busy and at the same time, I was working on my dream. I felt like a free bird learning how to fly and knowing I will soar high one day. And that is the only thing that mattered.
Now I feel I laugh but have hundred things that are going on my mind at the same time. I am soaring high but I am always worried about what is happening on the ground below. The sky is beautiful but I am thinking when some dark clouds will take over. This moment, I am focused but the next moment my focus has been dispersed into different streams. I pride myself on multi tasking but I also feel I am forgetting to enjoy small moments of happiness or accomplishments because I am already thinking of the next thing to come. I always need something to do but I also want to smile heartily after I have done it. It should not be that only if I reach my goal, I should be happy. Knowing that I am one step closer every day to my life long goal should also put a smile in my heart and make me feel confident that even with obstacles, I will be there one day. I should love that though I am walking slowly towards my destination, with every step that I take, I am closer to it. And during this walk, enjoy every small thing that comes in the way.
“I was listening
But not to what their mouth was saying
But what their eyes were speaking.”
Eyes, though silent, say it with so many words. Our eyes seem most expressive. They lighten up when you are excited, they flinch when you are doubtful, they well up when we are sad. You can see and feel love, fear, joy, grief, loss. And when you are listening to someone else’s eyes, you feel the same emotion. A twinkle in their eyes makes me happy. A forlorn look in their eyes makes me feel sad. A fear in their eyes makes me want to protect them.
I have been told that what I feel is written on my face. I think it is expressed in my eyes. It is like my heart is speaking through my eyes. When something touches me deeply, I can feel the pressure in my eyes. When I am thinking deeply and even now, when I am writing my thoughts, my eyes are the ones that reflect on what is on my mind and heart.
Feel your eyes and see how much they speak and feel.
“Look into my eyes and you will know more about me than you will through my words.”
We all have this inclination to want people to understand us. We see ourselves saying this to ourselves or to the other person – “I was going through this and that is why I acted that way and instead of you understanding what I was going through, you were worried about yourself.” Do we really understand what the other person is going through? In this world, we all have our own pains, we all have our own small or big heart aches. It is understandable that we don’t feel the same every day…one day we may feel we can conquer the whole world…another day we may not feel anything…and another day, we might feel everything is taking us down.W e are humans and we are entitled to our ups and downs.
But are we entitled to another person’s understanding and compassion? If the other person is not having a good day, they might not understand us…if they are having a good day, they might not understand us…if they are having an okay day, still they may not be able to understand us..Why?? Because in every case, they are thinking about their own situation…a bad day would mean they are not able to solve their own problems to take over someone else’s; A good day would mean they don’t want anything else to spoil their wonderful day; an okay day would mean they are listening to you but they are still figuring out their day. No one is bad or selfish because they do that. It is just that we are built that way. It is just that our expectations make us feel that the other person is not able to understand us. If we are able to make adjustments to our own thinking and expect less from others, our disappointments can reduce too and helps in not adding an extra stress to our already existing stressful life. If we only could understand that we are all built-in a different way and we all look at things in different ways…
Does that mean we should not have expectations?? What will you do??
So I was watching a show in which a strange guy comes to the main lady in the show and tells her that he was the person who had received her sister’s heart when she died in a car accident. He just wanted to thank someone. This lady asks one thing to him, “Are you a good person?” And he says he is and he is thankful for a second life and he appreciates it every day.
That got me to thinking..I am an organ donor on my license. The person who gets my heart will he/she feel the same way as I felt when i was alive..will their heart tell them to do the same things as my heart tells me to do? I feel deeply hurt, i feel deeply moved, I feel deeply involved with everything…will it help them or will it be a block in their lives…? This is a journal message to the person who gets my heart..If you get it, I always have followed my heart..and hopefully, you will do the same. Thank you for keeping me alive!