I saw this tree in a park the other day..standing alone! The tree standing there strong made me think. What would this lonely tree think?? Would it think that I am glad to be alone – no one to take the water that I need, no one to take the nutrients I need from the soil. I don’t have to waste my energy on fighting for my daily survival. So what if I don’t have anyone to talk to but at least I am free to do what I want to without being judged or have too many parameters that would define what and how I should do things. OR would it think I don’t have anyone; I have to stay here alone and no one to challenge me to do better.
Think about it – kind of how we would view our lives at different points of time. We love having people around and having them to love, to hate, to compete. But sometimes, we wish we could do things on our own in our own way and not let others define how we should act or live. We just wish we could just follow our instincts, be able to show our emotions as they are and not be shunned down for it. That lonely tree can show its emotions and follow its instincts since there is no one to tell it to behave in a certain way, on the other hand, it does not have anyone around who would be there to see when it is happy or when it is sad. Maybe as humans, we want to share our lives but how much of sharing of our lives causes unhappiness???
Should the lonely tree be happy about being alone or sad that it does not have anyone near?
Usually, we hear people saying, “I miss him/her/them or I miss doing this/that”. Is missing someone or something dependent on what you want? I believe that answer is Yes. A feeling of emptiness or the lack of belonging or having someone/something is dependent on the choices that you make. If you had to make a choice or you had a say in the choice and that is the reason you end up not having someone in your life, then you feel less miserable about it or your mind helps you adapt to it faster because you know that you had another choice and you chose one over another and set your mind to adapt to it. But when you don’t have any choice but to leave the person, place or your work, then you end up feeling a lack of it in your life immediately and you don’t let your mind and heart adapt to it easily. But in both cases, gradually, everyone moves forward!
Making a choice yourself versus having no choice makes a mountain of difference between surviving without something that is a part of your life but we still do. Is it because we stop believing that we are not attached to that? No. It is because you tell yourself that I made my choice and right now, even if I miss it, I will learn to move forward. A friend of mine once mentioned, about having someone dear to him most of the time in his life, and when one person went away, after some time, someone else came in to his life and they became dear. Now, is it because the previous person was not so important for him, that they could be replaced? Having known this person very well, I say No! But once a person knows that they are not coming back into their life, they learn to move on. And if at some point of time, they feel lonely, they learn to adapt to that too…learn that to live their life, they have to make choices that will help them move forward. Again, choices help them decide whether they are able to move on with their life faster or does it take a long time. Life goes on and people learn to live, adapt and learn more about themselves and find different paths.
When people move from one place to another, we mostly are first to tell them/think what they might miss and telling them how it might be so different. But what if we were making that decision to move because of our own reason or excuses, will we feel the same way?? Will we look at the positive side of it?? Will we convince ourselves that the greater good lies in the choice you are making? Ask yourself these questions, when you are faced with people or things changing in your lives. Think if the change was brought by you or by someone else, think of how fast or slow you are to adapt to that change and then check if the result was dependent on your contribution to the change. As human beings, we talk ourselves into believing what we want to. It is always OUR choice!! As the first part of the saying from Julius Caesar rightly says –
“”What we wish, we readily believe, and what we ourselves think, we imagine others think also.”